You may be surprised
to know that although sex may seem like an obstacle as you near age 40, humans
need and benefit from more stimulation and satisfaction at this age. Rather
than trying to accept your age and let your sex life decline in pleasure, there
are many measures you can take to restoring that magic in the bedroom.
Perimenopause and
Menopause
Menopause is the permanent cessation of a woman’s
menstruation cycle, where most women become completely infertile between the
ages of 40 and 50. Perimenopause is the process describing the years leading up
to menopause, a stage where many women find themselves in their early to
mid-30’s. It often goes unnoticed well into their 40’s, despite being
completely treatable in the early stages.
Trouble sleeping, low libido, and especially hot-flashes are
the most common symptoms attributed to perimenopause. Hot-flashes during this
stage can be very startling and distracting, and they can even wake you up in
the middle of the night. Many experts have found that yoga and regular exercise
can reduce this inconvenience dramatically. By stretching out your body and
developing a breath rhythm, the right energy gets drawn in and the bad energy
gets expelled out.
You may be aware of the fact that once you’re through with
menopause, your ovaries are no longer active and you’ll no longer be able to
conceive a child. Any attempts at becoming pregnant are highly recommended
before age 40 to prevent any devastating occurrences. There have been some rare
cases, but for the most part women aren’t expected to be mommies at this stage
of their lives.
The average woman during this time may also develop some
emotional struggles, often becoming moody or insecure at seemingly random
times. This is normal, but should also be regulated. Physical exercise is a
great way to squash any stress you may have, as well as yoga and meditation. Many
women also make the mistake of thinking they need medication to help with their
ailment, when really they should be talking to a therapist or professional who
can tap into their emotions and figure out what’s going on.
Lubrication
As the hormones decrease in your body, your natural, vaginal
lubrication may decrease as well, making it painful or even impossible to have
sex. The convenience of lubrication should not be overlooked during these
stages of your life.
Look for water or silicone-based lubricants that will make
it possible to achieve penetration without harming you or causing infections
(stay away from anything flavored or funky-looking.) These lubes will make your
experience not only possible but more pleasant, and they all too often tend to
train your vaginal walls to arouse easier.
Estrogen is a dominant female hormone, and your estrogen
level decreases dramatically as you get older. If you’re still having trouble
with dryness, try having your doctor prescribe either estrogen cream or
estrogen pills to gradually return natural moisture to the vagina.
A Little Extra Goes a
Long Way
Another common problem that often arises around this stage
is a blatant loss of or decrease in your libido. You may view sex as
undesirable and you may grow indifferent to wanting to instigate or participate
in sex. The truth of the matter is that you body is changing, and what made you
tick when you were younger doesn’t necessarily do the trick now.
The problem may lie in an issue of patience and
understanding. If you typically spend ten or twenty minutes on foreplay, you
might consider doubling that time. A woman’s skin can be just as sensitive as
her clitoris, and it’s important to inform your man of this if he doesn’t know
already. The more time you spend stimulating other parts of your body, the more
you will want that vaginal stimulation which will in turn cause a deeper arousal
and adequate vaginal moisture.
There’s no need to rush into things. The more anticipation
you create, the easier it will be to throw your guard down and get down to
business.
Couples Communication
You and your partner are going to need to talk to each other
during this time of stunted motivation and hormonal decline. Many men are
unaware of these female processes and need to be informed of their importance.
Educate your man on the facets of menopause and let him know that this is a
hard time for you. These discussions will eventually point you and your man
towards exercising attributes about your sex routine that will most affectively
arouse and excite you.
Some couples communicate better with a sex therapist than
with themselves. It may be a good idea to leave it up to professionals to
identify your problems and needs. A therapist can be a good medium as far as
you and your partner understanding each other sexually and emotionally. They
will bring things to the table that you or your man can’t, which will increase
your chances of uprooting the problem and starting anew.
You are not a dried-up old woman. You will always have that
fire but this is a time in your life where nature needs to run its course.
Knowing this and the tools to deal with it will help you overcome the obstacles
while still enabling you to enjoy a rewarding and positive sex life.
